Deportation Weekly - Michael Moore

This weeks nominee for permanent relocation is Michael Moore. I must be honest, this decision was very easy to make. Moore is a man who has annoyed me from the moment I became interested in the news and current events.

As if Fahrenheit 9/11 wasn't bad enough, he felt the need to release yet another film (he's released five to many in my opinion.) This time he has the health care system in his cross hairs with Sicko. It isn't enough for him to point out the health care system has problems, he feels he is obligated to propose a plan to make it even worse. I'm seriously surprised so many people are supporting his bull shit solution.

This is a capitalistic society. Those with more money and better jobs, should get better health care. The only thing that will happen with Moore's solution, is that everyone will receive shitty medical treatment, not just the poor. Yup, that's a winning plan. It would be wonderful if every American citizen could receive equally great health care, but they can't. If you like Moore and his views you may be thinking I'm an asshole who doesn't care about the poor. Wrong, I'm just smarter than you and can see the huge problem with his plan.

I think our current system needs to be revamped, but we shouldn't adopt a socialistic view towards our health care system.

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Part II

In high school, I was tricked into going to see Fahrenheit 9/11. Some friends and I were at the mall and decided to walk over to the theater to see what was playing. The three of them wanted to watch his film, Fahrenheit 9/11, I did not. Nonetheless, I decided to tag along because I figured I would at least find some humor in it.

...And I did.

I don't remember much about the film, but one part stands out in my mind. At one point some U.S. solders were talking about how they listen to music via the speakers in their tank. The songs they mentioned and the two they were listening to were Drowning Pool's "Bodies," and Coal Chambers "Sway." Here is the clip of the part I'm referring to:


Upon seeing this, some lady sitting in front of me let out a gasp, "That's so horrible."

No it's not, it's fucking war! What the hell is wrong with them getting pumped up to kill people. It's what they are paid to do. They are simply doing their fucking job and they don't have a choice what orders they follow. If you don't agree with the war great, I don't either, but don't try and portray our troops as monsters.

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Because of his horrible films, the idiotic reaction it causes in stupid fucking American citizens, and his general lack of good hygiene, Michael Moore should be escorted across the boarder ASAP. Canada has the health care system he loves so much.

Chain Mail

Why I hate chain mail.

Scroll down...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Think of the name of a member of the opposite sex you REALLY like...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Now count to ten...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Turn around ten times while reciting an incantation of your choice...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Now send this blog entry to ten of your closest friends (within 10 minutes of course) and the person who's name you thought of will ask you out on a date!!!!!!!!

Of course your other option is to simply ask the person you thought of out on a date. You will be surprised how much better that works, as opposed to following the directions of a retarded chain letter. Plus, you will have absolutely no reason to forward anymore to me.

I honestly would have thought this internet fad would have died down by now. Unfortunately it only mutated to encompass not only email; but facebook, myspace, and any other social networking site you can possibly imagine.

Thankfully, most people in my contact list have grown beyond the chain letter, however, there are still a handful which feel it is emanate I receive every single one ever created... ever.

And finally, why is the number "10" so important in these things?

Horrible Parking

Driving isn't complicated, yet there are some things people do, which may make it more difficult than it needs to be.

1. Drinking before driving.
2. Taking medication before driving. Yes your vehicle falls under the heavy machinery warning label.
3. Driving a vehicle which is to large for your peanut brain.

Before I continue, let me clarify something, I have nothing against gigantic vehicles. However, I do have a major problem with people who choose to drive them, while lacking the necessary brain power to handle them properly. Just because your form of transportation is larger than mine, does not mean you get two premium parking spaces. If you do feel the need to take up more than one space, park in the back of the fucking lot!

Secondly, if you squeeze your over sized gas guzzler into a spot and notice the small, eco-friendly cars next to you don't have enough clearance to open their doors, move your damn truck. Despite what Back to the Future fans may believe, the Delorean never caught on. Most cars in today's world require more than 12" in order to open them fully (at least in America.)

I, and others, will not hesitate to slam our car doors into the side of your vehicle if we have to inhale deeply before squeezing into our cars. Some people shouldn't drive anything larger than a go-kart, yet they insist on sitting behind the wheel of an Expedition. I hate every last one of you.

Also, before anyone comments on how I'm not qualified to bitch about this. I used to drive a Ford F-150, extended cab, and when I felt I couldn't fit comfortably into a space, I chose a different one. This is the exact reason I fail to understand why others can't do the same.

Granted, it isn't only drivers of big vehicles who can't park correctly. There are assholes in small cars who can't seem to fit their Neon into a spot twice their cars size. For these people, there is no excuse, each and every one of them should have vulgarities spray painted on the side of their cars.

The author of this blog does not condone vandalism, however, if an entire can of spray paint accidentally goes off in your hand... oops.

Now that I got that out of my system. While looking for a picture to add to this post, I came across I Park Like An Idiot.com. They sell "I park like an idiot" bumper stickers, which I assume your supposed to stick to cars you see horribly parked. Their disclaimer says to not stick them on other cars like the pictures on their site, yet the smallest pack you can buy is a twenty pack. Some people deserve to have these things plastered to the back of their car. I urge each and every one of you to follow suit. If you don't feel like buying them, simply write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the moron's car.

Censorship and Wal-Mart

There are many things I dislike about Wal-Mart. Here is a brief list:

1. The long lines.
2. Out of 40 registers, only 10 are ever open at one time.
3. The general stupidity of many Wal-Mart employee's
4. Censorship of their music CD's.
   

Why does Wal-Mart feel the need to edit an artists work before making it available to their customers? If they don't agree with the content, than they shouldn't sell it in their stores! When I was a teenager I bought the Spider-Man soundtrack, a cd which was not deemed explicit by the RIAA. The most profane word found in the entire cd is "shit," which Wal-Mart found the need to edit out before selling it to me. I can't stress enough, how ripped off I felt. If I wanted the radio version of songs, I would have made a fucking mixed tape while listening to the radio.

I hate censorship... If you don't like a few foul words in a song, don't buy the cd. There are many people who are capable of realizing there are worse things in the world than a few naughty words.

Here is the best form of censorship, don't buy what you don't want, and on top of that, monitor what the hell your children are listening to. If there weren't so many shitty parents, there wouldn't be a need for censorship. Monitor what your children are doing, rather than allowing a corporation like Wal-Mart to do it for you. If people weren't buying the crap, Wal-Mart would stop butchering music. Unfortunately people are idiots, hence, Wal-Mart feels obliged to watch out for everyone's moral integrity.

Arghhh!

In the middle of making a detailed post, which I spent an hour on, Firefox decided it would rather shut down than publish the fucking post. On top of that, it seems to have persuaded Blogger to go along with it's plan to piss me the fuck off. Apparently Blogger decided it was a good idea to stop auto-saving in the middle of the post.

I fucking hate technology. They gives us all kinds of cool gadgets to play with, yet none of it can work properly for longer than a nanosecond.

Ahhhhh.

I will finish the post as soon as I stop wanting to throw my lap top down a flight of stairs.

Edit: Well it posted itself underneath this one, I suppose because I began it before this one... I don't know anymore.

Why does America like crappy music?

I just visited Billboard.com and was appalled when I saw what the top 10 songs currently are. I have taken the time to listen to at least a little of each song on this list, unfortunately most were so bad I had to skip around to get the gist of what is pathetically, considered music.

Here are the top 10 songs according to the Billboard Charts, along with a small remark from me.

1. Rihanna feat. Jay-Z - Umbrella: This is the most popular song in the Nation, yet my ears began bleeding within the first 30 secs. I have never liked Jay-Z, so the fact his voice was hammered into my skull right at the start, may be the reason this song leaves such a bad taste in my mouth.
2. Shop Boyz - Party Like a Rockstar: I'm not a huge fan of rap, but do not dislike the genre in general. With that said, this song should not be the second most popular song right now. It isn't the worst thing I've ever heard and was even able to listen to the entire thing, however, it was far from anything I would listen to in public. The shame would be unbearable.
   
3. Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah: I actually like this song a lot and am proud to admit it currently has a nice home in my iPod. Personally, I feel this song should be number 1, not because it is that amazing, simply because it is better than anything else on this list.
4. Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry: Blah... "I'm not gonna miss you, like a child needs his blanket." Enough said.
   
5. T-Pain Feat. Yung Joc - Buy U a Drank: The word is "drink," not drank... Their is a difference between artistic license and promoting the degradation of the English language. Oddly catching, yet still extremely horrible.
   
6. Timbaland - The Way I Are: I ain't got no money neither, but dat don't give me no rite to make crappy music and use badly English. Would it really detract from your song to title it, "The Way I Am," you stupid fuck...
   
7. Maroon 5- Makes Me Wonder: I've never really liked Maroon 5 and this is no different. Could they be bigger pussies? They sound like a 90's boy band in this track. On second thought, that isn't any different than anything else I have heard from them.
   
8. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend: Aside from being mildly attractive, she is utter crap. On top of the song being horrible, she continues to dress punk, yet sings Pop. Pick a fucking genre already.
   
9. Justin Timberlake - Summer Love: This ex boy band member may be the worst thing to happen to music since Bob Dylan found Jesus (view his gospel songs on youtube, you will see what I mean.) Timberlake is like a white R. Kelly, minus the golden showers. This is absolutely horrible. I never thought I could hate him more than when he was a member of N'Sync, but alas, I have been proven wrong.
   
10. Amy Winehouse - Rhab: Surprisingly, I have nothing bad to say about this song. I actually kind of liked it.
    

How are these the most popular songs? What the hell is wrong with people? I can't believe so many people have such horrible taste in music. People make me sick... Out of ten slots, only 3 songs listed are even worthy of listening to.

Torture Device for Children

Why does nearly every doctors office have this toy? It may be the most annoying thing created since the demon child, Paris Hilton. Kids don't seem content to quietly move the wooden balls down the track, they must make as much noise as possible while doing it. On top of the noise being produced by the toy itself, this simple design seems to work many children into an instant state of hysteria.

Personally, I feel the doctors who use this torture device in their offices believe it will increase the number of patients they treat. I, for example, would never have discovered I suffer from migraines if it weren't for this toy being placed in nearly every doctor's office I've ever been in.

Why can't waiting rooms show a G rated film and provide coloring books and crayons for the kids? I believe waiting rooms should provide entertainment for children, but not at the risk of my health and sanity. What the hell is the point of having reading material for the adults if they can't even here themselves think? Granted, a lot of the problem falls to bad parenting, but don't help these kids serve their one purpose in life (annoying others) by providing them with obnoxious toys while others are trying to read. Children are best observed, not heard.

King Henry the VIII is sexy

Everybody knows that most Hollywood screenwriters have little to no talent. I can handle when they retell the same stories over and over again, or remake movies and claim they have updated and modernized them, but something that I will never understand is why they take history and change it so drastically. Usually, in the end, the only fact that remains is the name of the characters.

What got me thinking about this was an advertisement for the television show The Tudors. In the commercial King Henry the VIII is shown as a young slender man. In actuality King Henry the VIII was rather over weight, and short-hence, his love affair with high heels. I realize that a handsome, young man is more pleasing to watch then a fat, gluttonous man, but that is history.

Now, I have never bothered to watch the show, since I know it would just anger me, so I can not say much about the content, but I am almost 100% positive that nothing in the show has anything to do with historical fact. I really believe that they just wanted to make a period piece, but were too ignorant to formulate the characters and basic events on their own.

While on this subject, I also hate when screenwriters, and other Hollywood big shots, think it is okay to bastardize classic novels. I just do not understand why someone would call a movie Pride and Prejudice but not follow the story line of the book. I guess they think that since the title is so well known, it will help gain an audience. Maybe they believe by adding special effects and Tom Cruise will help distract from the butchering of great literature.

Of course I am looking at this from my standpoint. Unfortunately, I think that most people are too oblivious to notice, or so ignorant that they have never read the book, or learned the history being distorted and retold. I would not be surprised if a lot of people take what they see in movies, or TV shows as fact. After all, looking at dots of lights on a screen is much easier than reading.

I dislike people

This isn't really news to me, I have known for quit a while I dislike most people. I used to go out to bars a lot, but it was mainly in the hopes of a new sexual conquest. Last night Kelly and I went to a local bar/restaurant which just opened up, and within 5 minutes of being there, I remembered why it's been so long since I visited one.

For the most part, I tolerate obnoxious drunk people, I'm sure I have been that person on a number of occasions. However, there is a difference between simply being an annoying drunk and being a squealing, yelling bitch. There was one girl in the bar, who every few minutes, would squeal at the top of her lungs. I've wanted to tell many people to shut the hell up, but never as much as last night.

Drunk people who talk about stupid stuff are fun, drunk women who scream for no reason while others are sitting down in a nice little bar, are simply annoying and needs to be destroyed. Someone needs to monitor her drinking before it causes a black eye.

I would rather attend a poetry reading by Rosie O'Donnell before I would subject myself to that squealing pig again.

Why your employees hate you and their job.

A lot of small business owners, as well as store managers are constantly faced with one question: why is our turn-over rate so high? The simple answer would be; you are rude, greedy, inconsiderate, and are incapable of ordering what you need for the next truck. If you want to keep employees for extended periods of time and don't want to have to train new associates every week, treat them with at least a little respect and learn how to run a company.

I went in to work today (the restaurant shall remain nameless considering I'm still employed there) and noticed we were two employee's short in my position. Considering it's a Saturday, and is expected to be busy I figured a couple called in sick. When I went to look at the schedule I noticed only the four of us were scheduled, which seemed very odd to me. I than suddenly realized it was the last of the month and knew exactly why we were short handed. The managers wanted their bonuses.

The way our company is ran, management is given a profit margin they are supposed to meet, if they meet the requirements they all get a monthly bonus. So, because they wanted a bonus, we were short staffed. Very nice of them, I know.

Now, here is my main problem with this whole situation. I understand wanting to receive the bonus, if I were in their position I would want the extra cash too. However, I wouldn't wait till the last day of the month to make sure I get it and wouldn't screw my employee's over either. It isn't because I'm a nice guy, it is because I would want my employee's to be as happy has possible. Happy employee's make for happy customers, happy customers make for more money, which in turn, makes management happier. Not to mention, angry employee's steal from you more than someone who is happy with their job. I don't support stealing, but it's never-the-less true.

Instead, half their staff hates the their jobs and are looking for new places to work and, inevitably, hate. I plan on seeing if I can't find something Monday and may take the day off tomorrow. The way I see it, I'm doing them a favor. They want to save as much money as possible, so I am considering calling out and giving them what they want...

On top of all that, the light in the mens bathroom was burned out and their were no more light bulbs, despite the fact the truck arrived two days ago. I couldn't even enjoy my morning shit.

So, in summation, if you are a manager of any business, in particular, a business which hires students and high school graduates like a restaurant, don't treat your employee's like shit. Unless of course you enjoy spending the extra money constantly training new employees.

Highway Driving

I have been noticing a scary trend on the highway's near my house and have come to one of two conclusions...

1. 75 % of all drivers received their license in some sick Kellogg's giveaway.
or
2. 75% of all drivers are complete assholes and deserve to become a statistic at the hands of road rage.

Most of the highway's I drive on daily have a speed limit of 55 mph, which some people obviously feel is to fast. That's fine, despite the fact there are few passing zones along the way, I try my best at practicing patience (a virtue I find very hard to embrace.) I also rarely pass anyone doing over 50 mph, as I feel 5 mph under the posted limit is not such a great inconvenience as to warrant a possible head on collision.

However when someone feels the need to drive 40-45 mph in a 55 mph zone, I tend to get annoyed. When I finally get to an area with those long awaited dotted lines and no oncoming traffic, I eagerly floor it in order to pass the jackass in front of me.

Inevitably, the jackass I'm trying to pass, will in turn, floor it. I have spent a lot of time lately contemplating the logic behind this act. This is what I've come up with.

1. They are fucking assholes.

After much thought, that's the only conclusion I've been able to make. I'm not sure if they simply feel no one should ever pass them, under any circumstances, or because they are bitter because I have a nicer car than them. What ever the reason, I hate every last one of them, and remember the vehicle they drive in the hopes of one day seeing it demolished on the side of the road in a one car accident.

Let me send a warning out to 75% of you. If I'm ever trying to pass you and you pull that shit, I will not brake. I will keep driving faster, and if I enter a decision of a head on collision or braking and falling back in line behind you, I will do neither. I will merge into you.

When I'm passing someone initially doing 45 mph, there is absolutely no reason I should have to speed up to 70 in order to pass them.

No more feminist narratives, please.

I'm to the point in my college career where I'm about to take nothing other than male literature teachers. If I have one more semester full of feminist literature, which so many professors, particularly liberal women, feel the need to shove down my throat, I may riot.

At this point, certain professors are actually ruining feminist literature and non-feminist literature alike. I get it, you as a college professor hate men and think women are treated unfairly. Get over it and add some diversity to your teaching agenda! There is a serious problem when we have to read a story from our literature text and receive an hour lecture on the feminist aspects of the text. Focus on something else you sexually frustrated hag!

My professors don't even need to choose a literary tale classified as a feminist writing, they could have us read Charlotte's Web and lecture for an hour about how the spider was a sexist asshole.

Some readers may think I'm over stating this, but I'm not. One professor I took for a World Literature class, felt the need to dedicate at least half of every lecture, to the feminist aspect of every story we read. Get over it!

I don't think many people are paying $2,000 or more a semester, to have the same crap rammed down their throat over and over again.

Web illiterate companies

I always thought Americans were known for being hard working individuals. Sure Europeans go on holiday every other week but are Americans really much better? The people who run the gas company in my little Louisiana town sure don't fit the description of a hard working American.

Apparently, working more than 4 hours a day simply isn't something they view as being important, nor is choosing 4 hours a day which are optimal for their customers. Assuming most Americans work a 9-5 job, they allow exactly one hour for a normal, functioning member of society to pay them a visit and handle their business. According to the woman I talked to on the phone, they feel it is perfectly acceptable to remain open from 8am-12pm. I would love to let a well placed firebomb describe how my opinion on this matter differs.

On top of this, I seem to live in such a backwards area, they don't feel a website is important either. This is where their logic really confuses me. Obviously they are lazy people, even by my standards, so it seems obvious to me creating a website would allow them to do even less work. Why is this not their top priority? Apparently they feel handling payments manually for more than 4 hours a day is simply to much work, yet they still haven't taken advantage of the internet.

If any small business owner is reading this, let me give you some advice. Start a website! If you are important, like the gas company, people will love you because you just made their life easier. If you sell mundane crap and do not feel like spending the money on a nice website, give your 10 year old child $10 dollars to create a Myspace page. Yes, it's that simple. This seems logical to me. Unless you are a complete moron, it will not hurt your already suffering sales. Unless your computer looks like this you should not have many problems taking your company to the interworld.

Believe it or not, their are more uses for the internet than simply looking at Asian porn. Use it.