Torture Device for Children

Why does nearly every doctors office have this toy? It may be the most annoying thing created since the demon child, Paris Hilton. Kids don't seem content to quietly move the wooden balls down the track, they must make as much noise as possible while doing it. On top of the noise being produced by the toy itself, this simple design seems to work many children into an instant state of hysteria.

Personally, I feel the doctors who use this torture device in their offices believe it will increase the number of patients they treat. I, for example, would never have discovered I suffer from migraines if it weren't for this toy being placed in nearly every doctor's office I've ever been in.

Why can't waiting rooms show a G rated film and provide coloring books and crayons for the kids? I believe waiting rooms should provide entertainment for children, but not at the risk of my health and sanity. What the hell is the point of having reading material for the adults if they can't even here themselves think? Granted, a lot of the problem falls to bad parenting, but don't help these kids serve their one purpose in life (annoying others) by providing them with obnoxious toys while others are trying to read. Children are best observed, not heard.

Help Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed

According to Powell's Books,

Liberals Under My Bed is a fun way for parents to teach children conservatism. Readers follow Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when bureaucratic busybodies demand the brothers pay outrageous taxes, remove their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with their lemonade, they experience firsthand the dangers of liberalism.

This got me thinking of other great ideas for children's books.

1. Help Mom! Al Sharpton is under my bed.
Lou and Tommy start a lemonade stand only to have Al Sharpton stage a protest out front due to their lack of minority employee's.

2. Help Mom! Lindsay Lohan is under my bed.
Lou and Tommy start a lemonade stand only to have it destroyed by a drunk and swerving coke whore.

3. Help Mom! There are Scientologists under my bed.
Lou and Tommy start a lemonade stand only to have it over run by Xenu, the alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy."

4. Help Mom! There are Fundamentalist Christians under my bed.
Lou and Tommy start a lemonade stand only to have it and themselves condemned to hell by an ironically bitter preacher, all because they don't donate enough money to the local church.

Maybe these aren't million dollar book ideas, but shouldn't we warn children early of all these dangers in the world?