Your Ad Here
Your Ad Here

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Sporadic Posting

I should inform all of you, I don't function like a normal person. I find something I enjoy, go manic, and than lose complete interest in it. I will find a video game I really enjoy and will play nothing else. Than one day, usually before completing it, I get bored and move onto something else. Some video games that had the above fate are; Final Fantasy IX, Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy XII, Xenosaga Episode I, Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas, Need For Speed Hot Pursuit, and a bunch more I will likely remember later.

I will read a lot of books in a short amount of time, than get bored and not touch one, by my own free will, for several months. I do the same things with message boards, I will find one I like and visit it religiously for months. I'd spend a lot of time there each day until eventually, it gets boring, and I find a new one.

The same happened with online poker, granted that was more of an addiction. Lets just say I'm in debt. Be cautious. I'm assuming it's still illegal in the States, but I'm sure someone found a way around it by now.

The point is, I find a new hobby and suffocate it until it's no longer fun. Like every thing this just isn't as fun as it was in the beginning. I will still post, but won't be as active. I will update when something strikes my mind as interesting. No more trying to think of something to write about.

Now, let me go back to watching Property Ladder on TLC.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Sanitize My Feet Please

I went to see Transformers the other night at a not so local theater (damn country living) and decided to wear my flip flops. I didn't feel like having to hunt down two semi-matching socks and figured it was a smart, convenient decision. At least until I ran to the bathroom while Kelly (girlfriend) waited in the concession line.

I walked into the bathroom and went for the non-handicap stall. I would normally just use the urinal, but there was already a guy using one. My bladder shyness won't allow me to piss next to anyone I'm not comfortable with (an issue for another day.)

Upon entering the stall I immediately wonder, as I usually do, how hard is it to direct a stream of urine into a decent sized bowl? Their was a big puddle on the floor in front of the toilet which forced me to stand so far away from the bowl, I had no choice but to add to the substantial puddle of human leakage.

The other thought that forced it's way to the forefront of my attention was the realization I only had an inch or so of rubber separating my flesh from, what I consider, the pitfalls of human accomplishment. Even with the advances in plumbing (no more throwing human waste out your window) human beings still manage to make a public restroom a health hazard in only twelve hours.

Seriously, if you are that horrible at aiming, sit down! On second thought, you probably can't because some asshole beat you to it and pissed everywhere except the designated area, leaving the toilet seat wet and disgusting. I know some women out there may be thinking, just squat, but squatting isn't very easy for us (at least me). I'm always afraid I'm going to leave something far worse on the seat than just urine.

I pondered one more thing before leaving and returning to my girlfriend. Why the hell does the stall door open into the toilet? When I went to leave, I had the daunting task of getting out of this community of bacteria and death. Considering I had to stand so far from the toilet, getting the door open without stepping in the nauseous puddle was a very difficult task. I had to contort my body in a rather weird way, while trying to get around the door with out stepping in the puddle.

While trying to accomplish this, my big toe slipped out my flip flop and onto the floor. I'm glad nobody walked in while I was washing my foot in the public restroom. I imagine that would receive some odd looks.

If everyone wipes their own urine off the seat when they are done, the public toilet may not be such a disgusting place.

By the way, Transformers was a enjoyable movie. If you enjoyed the original series as a kid, enjoy adventure, science fiction, or great special effects, you should go and see it.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Wrost Incense Ever?

I went to the local headshop today to buy some incense. I must say, Dreamcicle may be the worst scent ever. The picture to the left is what I bought. While burning a coconut stick of the same brand, the Dreamcicle over powered it while never leaving the box. It should also be noted the box was under the bed, several feet from me, while the burning stick was on the nightstand right beside me. Something isn't right here. Nothing should have that strong of a smell. Without even lighting one, they have already managed to cause a headache.

News Flash: Not Everyone Wants Children

Why is this such a hard concept to grasp? Why are so many people shocked when my girlfriend or I say we never want to have children? I have gotten several confused looks, and many replies which consist of, "you say that now, but you'll change your mind." Really, I'm so glad you, someone I probably don't even like, knows me better than I know myself.

Another common reply we both receive is, "how could you not want a child, they are the most wonderful things in the world." I must admit; cleaning up human shit, being woken up at all hours of the night, staying up late at night wondering where the hell my daughters at, and not being able to travel because I work for an ungrateful child, is something I have always wanted...

Children aren't right for everyone. What difference does it make to anyone if I never have a child? There are to many people in this world as it is... I only wish there were more people who feel the same as me on this issue. On top of everything already stated, by having a child, I run the risk of being yet another horrible parent. I would rather not be responsible for creating a parasite to society.

People need to get it through their thick skulls, not everyone wants a child.

Side rant...
Personally, I wish some of the whores on welfare would have adopted my way of thinking, rather than spreading their legs for any thing with a penis and popping out a kid every year like clock work. Or the asshole men who have ten children with nine different women, while working a job that pays $8 an hour. Mistakes happen... once or twice! Not three or more times. Go to the gynecologist, get birth control, and make the man wear a fucking condom. It may fail once or twice, but you won't wind up with a bundle of children you can't fucking afford. If you can't take care of a child properly, do everything in your power to prevent it, you buffoon.

Actually "buffoon," is a horrible word in this case, since there is nothing humorous about the kind of people mentioned above. Every last one of them should be sterilized.

Update coming shortly

I have been experiencing extreme writers block the past few days. I have several incomplete posts I just couldn't seem to finish. I will have an update in an hour or so though.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Music I Actually Like

I don't have time to make a detailed post today since I have to go to New Orleans to pick my car up from the shop. I figure since I had no problem insulting the music most Americans listens to, I will post some videos of songs I think are great. Feel free to leave a comment and critique my choice in music.

1. Placebo - Twenty Years

2. The Used - The Bird and The Worm

3. Marilyn Manson - This is the New Shit

...and finally, something a bit different from the rest.
4. Enya - Only Time

Thats right, I'm not afraid to admit I enjoy Enya.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Deportation Weekly - Michael Moore

This weeks nominee for permanent relocation is Michael Moore. I must be honest, this decision was very easy to make. Moore is a man who has annoyed me from the moment I became interested in the news and current events.

As if Fahrenheit 9/11 wasn't bad enough, he felt the need to release yet another film (he's released five to many in my opinion.) This time he has the health care system in his cross hairs with Sicko. It isn't enough for him to point out the health care system has problems, he feels he is obligated to propose a plan to make it even worse. I'm seriously surprised so many people are supporting his bull shit solution.

This is a capitalistic society. Those with more money and better jobs, should get better health care. The only thing that will happen with Moore's solution, is that everyone will receive shitty medical treatment, not just the poor. Yup, that's a winning plan. It would be wonderful if every American citizen could receive equally great health care, but they can't. If you like Moore and his views you may be thinking I'm an asshole who doesn't care about the poor. Wrong, I'm just smarter than you and can see the huge problem with his plan.

I think our current system needs to be revamped, but we shouldn't adopt a socialistic view towards our health care system.

Part II

In high school, I was tricked into going to see Fahrenheit 9/11. Some friends and I were at the mall and decided to walk over to the theater to see what was playing. The three of them wanted to watch his film, Fahrenheit 9/11, I did not. Nonetheless, I decided to tag along because I figured I would at least find some humor in it.

...And I did.

I don't remember much about the film, but one part stands out in my mind. At one point some U.S. solders were talking about how they listen to music via the speakers in their tank. The songs they mentioned and the two they were listening to were Drowning Pool's "Bodies," and Coal Chambers "Sway." Here is the clip of the part I'm referring to:

Upon seeing this, some lady sitting in front of me let out a gasp, "That's so horrible."

No it's not, it's fucking war! What the hell is wrong with them getting pumped up to kill people. It's what they are paid to do. They are simply doing their fucking job and they don't have a choice what orders they follow. If you don't agree with the war great, I don't either, but don't try and portray our troops as monsters.


Because of his horrible films, the idiotic reaction it causes in stupid fucking American citizens, and his general lack of good hygiene, Michael Moore should be escorted across the boarder ASAP. Canada has the health care system he loves so much.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Mirapex: Odd Side Effects

I have always been fascinated by prescription drugs and their side effects. When I first saw the commercials for Alli, a weight loss pill that may cause anal leakage, I thought I would never find anything funnier. The exact term they used was, "oily spotting," and by my thought process insinuates anal leakage. Who would want a leaking ass in exchange for a few less pounds. You may look better, but no man wants a woman with skid marks in her underpants.

Than I saw a commercial for Mirapex, and everything changed. I found this in their faq regarding possible side effects:

There have been reports of patients taking certain medications to treat Parkinson’s disease or RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome), including MIRAPEX, that have reported problems with gambling, compulsive eating, and increased sex drive. It is not possible to reliably estimate how often these behaviors occur to determine which factors may contribute to them. If you or your family members notice that you are developing unusual behaviors, talk to your doctor.
This is exactly what I want in a medication designed to keep my legs still while I sleep. It allows patients to get a good nights sleep before blowing their life savings at the craps table, may cause weight gain, or transform you into a nymphomaniac. The later may not be so bad depending on your take of sex and how often you are able to get it.

"I swear hon, the Mirapex made me do it. I was just so damn horny."

Word for the Weekend 7/20

Definition: Fear or hatred of strangers, people from other countries, or of anything that is strange or foreign

"Time and again we see leaders and members of religions incite aggression, fanaticism, hate, and xenophobia - even inspire and legitimate violent and bloody conflicts."
Hans Kung

Possible template change.

I'm considering switching to a 3-column template for this blog. So, if in the next few days you observe some odd colors, strange lay outs, or any number of possible problems. Please bear with me. I'm still getting used to this blogging thing and will fix what ever I fuck up as soon as I figure out how.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Clumsy Cashier and the Olives

While I was visiting home today, my grandma asked me to run to the supermarket to get olives. The cashier was rather entertaining. When I first got to the register, she was collecting the cash from her customer. When she went to close the drawer, she didn't push it in hard enough or something and it sprang back out at her. The look on her face was priceless. She actually looked a little scared.

Than when she rang up my grandma's olives, she accidentally placed them in between two bags, rather than putting them in one bag. When she noticed her mistake she looked at me and said, "Hehe, that could have been messy." Than she takes my money, opens her drawer, and stares blankly at me. After about 10 seconds of an awful stare down, she snaps back to this world and tells me my total, looks at the money, and than proceeds (finally) to count out my change.

I found her rather interesting.

Chain Mail

Why I hate chain mail.

Scroll down...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Think of the name of a member of the opposite sex you REALLY like...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Now count to ten...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Turn around ten times while reciting an incantation of your choice...

(scroll down 10 minutes before reaching the next line of text.)

Now send this blog entry to ten of your closest friends (within 10 minutes of course) and the person who's name you thought of will ask you out on a date!!!!!!!!

Of course your other option is to simply ask the person you thought of out on a date. You will be surprised how much better that works, as opposed to following the directions of a retarded chain letter. Plus, you will have absolutely no reason to forward anymore to me.

I honestly would have thought this internet fad would have died down by now. Unfortunately it only mutated to encompass not only email; but facebook, myspace, and any other social networking site you can possibly imagine.

Thankfully, most people in my contact list have grown beyond the chain letter, however, there are still a handful which feel it is emanate I receive every single one ever created... ever.

And finally, why is the number "10" so important in these things?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Horrible Parking

Driving isn't complicated, yet there are some things people do, which may make it more difficult than it needs to be.

1. Drinking before driving.
2. Taking medication before driving. Yes your vehicle falls under the heavy machinery warning label.
3. Driving a vehicle which is to large for your peanut brain.

Before I continue, let me clarify something, I have nothing against gigantic vehicles. However, I do have a major problem with people who choose to drive them, while lacking the necessary brain power to handle them properly. Just because your form of transportation is larger than mine, does not mean you get two premium parking spaces. If you do feel the need to take up more than one space, park in the back of the fucking lot!

Secondly, if you squeeze your over sized gas guzzler into a spot and notice the small, eco-friendly cars next to you don't have enough clearance to open their doors, move your damn truck. Despite what Back to the Future fans may believe, the Delorean never caught on. Most cars in today's world require more than 12" in order to open them fully (at least in America.)

I, and others, will not hesitate to slam our car doors into the side of your vehicle if we have to inhale deeply before squeezing into our cars. Some people shouldn't drive anything larger than a go-kart, yet they insist on sitting behind the wheel of an Expedition. I hate every last one of you.

Also, before anyone comments on how I'm not qualified to bitch about this. I used to drive a Ford F-150, extended cab, and when I felt I couldn't fit comfortably into a space, I chose a different one. This is the exact reason I fail to understand why others can't do the same.

Granted, it isn't only drivers of big vehicles who can't park correctly. There are assholes in small cars who can't seem to fit their Neon into a spot twice their cars size. For these people, there is no excuse, each and every one of them should have vulgarities spray painted on the side of their cars.

The author of this blog does not condone vandalism, however, if an entire can of spray paint accidentally goes off in your hand... oops.

Now that I got that out of my system. While looking for a picture to add to this post, I came across I Park Like An They sell "I park like an idiot" bumper stickers, which I assume your supposed to stick to cars you see horribly parked. Their disclaimer says to not stick them on other cars like the pictures on their site, yet the smallest pack you can buy is a twenty pack. Some people deserve to have these things plastered to the back of their car. I urge each and every one of you to follow suit. If you don't feel like buying them, simply write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the moron's car.