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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Horrible Parking

Driving isn't complicated, yet there are some things people do, which may make it more difficult than it needs to be.

1. Drinking before driving.
2. Taking medication before driving. Yes your vehicle falls under the heavy machinery warning label.
3. Driving a vehicle which is to large for your peanut brain.

Before I continue, let me clarify something, I have nothing against gigantic vehicles. However, I do have a major problem with people who choose to drive them, while lacking the necessary brain power to handle them properly. Just because your form of transportation is larger than mine, does not mean you get two premium parking spaces. If you do feel the need to take up more than one space, park in the back of the fucking lot!

Secondly, if you squeeze your over sized gas guzzler into a spot and notice the small, eco-friendly cars next to you don't have enough clearance to open their doors, move your damn truck. Despite what Back to the Future fans may believe, the Delorean never caught on. Most cars in today's world require more than 12" in order to open them fully (at least in America.)

I, and others, will not hesitate to slam our car doors into the side of your vehicle if we have to inhale deeply before squeezing into our cars. Some people shouldn't drive anything larger than a go-kart, yet they insist on sitting behind the wheel of an Expedition. I hate every last one of you.

Also, before anyone comments on how I'm not qualified to bitch about this. I used to drive a Ford F-150, extended cab, and when I felt I couldn't fit comfortably into a space, I chose a different one. This is the exact reason I fail to understand why others can't do the same.

Granted, it isn't only drivers of big vehicles who can't park correctly. There are assholes in small cars who can't seem to fit their Neon into a spot twice their cars size. For these people, there is no excuse, each and every one of them should have vulgarities spray painted on the side of their cars.

The author of this blog does not condone vandalism, however, if an entire can of spray paint accidentally goes off in your hand... oops.

Now that I got that out of my system. While looking for a picture to add to this post, I came across I Park Like An They sell "I park like an idiot" bumper stickers, which I assume your supposed to stick to cars you see horribly parked. Their disclaimer says to not stick them on other cars like the pictures on their site, yet the smallest pack you can buy is a twenty pack. Some people deserve to have these things plastered to the back of their car. I urge each and every one of you to follow suit. If you don't feel like buying them, simply write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the moron's car.


Garden Gnome said...

Now I can relate to this problem and I the temptation of your solutions...hmm,very tempting!

Jeremy said...

Just remember, if you ever get caught doing it, you didn't here about it here. :-)